Bart Ships
by ni' fios ce' a chum
Summary: Bart's got a list of every single shipping he supports hanging up on the Watchtower refrigerator door. Imagine the reactions of the shipped...


**A/N: So this story popped out of nowhere. Originally, it was just supposed to be the texts from Bart, Damian, and Irey, but then I found out that stories like that are not allowed. (?) Are they? I wasn't sure, so to be on the safe side I wrote in the story bits.**

 **Backstory: Okay, Bart (Impulse/Kid Flash) has found out what shipping is. Now, he keeps a list hanging on the Watchtower refrigerator of all his OTPs (of all his friends and family). Nobody really questions it, until Damian sees the person Bart ships him with. *Bat Glare*. For those who don't know, Irey West in the comics is Iris "Irey" West, Wally West's daughter, which she is here too (Artemis is her mother, and she goes by Impulse. She's about Damian's age in this fic, which can be from 10 to 15, however you want to read it. It doesn't really).**

 **Disclaimer: The Justice League and the Team tell me I don't own them. *sad face* Oh well…**

* * *

Damian trudged through the Watchtowers winding corridors. He would never admit it, but the chocolate chip cookies that Gordon was leading him to sounded absolutely delectable. He was just following the redhead to the cabinet when she stopped by the refrigerator and started laughing. Damian scowled. "What?" he demanded. Still laughing, the first Batgirl stepped aside to let him look.

Damian's eyes narrowed.

* * *

Bart was wandering the halls of his house, looking for something to eat, when he heard a _ding!_ coming from his left pocket. He looked down, surprised. Who would be calling at…he looked at the clock…twelve o'clock in the afternoon? Okay, probably lots of people, but still. He took out his phone.

It was from Damian, the new (ish) Robin. On the younger Team members' group chat. They got along about as well as Damian did with everybody, which is to say, not really well. Bart saw him a lot because of, well, missions (duh), and a lot of shared parties between the Flash-family (is that what they were called? He didn't know.) and the Batfamily. (Now, that, he _knew_ was the right name.)

 _Damian: Remove my name from your idiotic list, Allen._

Bart grinned. Opening his phone, he typed:

 _Bart: Make me._

Damian had probably seen his shipping list when coming back from the mission in Bialya, and seen Bart's new addition. Bart didn't care. He totally shipped Damian and Irey

Moments later, a reply came.

 _Damian: I will kill you._

 _Bart: No you won't! You're a good guy now!_

He wondered why Damian had chosen to contact him through a) texts, and b) civilian identities. Probably he was with Nightwing, who must have been so overjoyed that Damian was connecting to people outside of costumes and hanging them off of buildings that he just let Damian go right ahead and do whatever he wanted.

 _Damian: ….I know where you live._

 _Bart: Yeah, I know. You come over like literally every Thanksgiving, dude. And Christmas. And…like every week. And…every other day. And…you see what I'm getting at here?_

 _Bart: I'm too fast for you to catch anyway._

He thought Damian had given up until a reply came.

 _Damian: I will simply carry out my contingency plan._

What?

 _Bart: Contingency plan?_

 _Damian: For when you go rogue._

 _Bart:_ _ **When?!**_

 _Damian: Yes._

Bart leaned his head against the wall. Yup. Definitely Batman's son. Another _ding!_ came from his pocket and he glanced down.

 _Damian: It is inevitable._

Wow, Damian. You're all class, aren't you.

It didn't matter though. Damian was still annoyed, because Bart still shipped it, and as long as Bart shipped it, it remained on his list. He stuck his tongue out at an imaginary Damian. "So there," he said to himself, smiling. He zipped off to the kitchen for a quick snack (chicken, watermelon, four bananas, an apple, three glasses of milk, and a pizza).

His phone buzzed angrily. " _Now_ what, Damian?" he muttered.

 _Irey: BART! Get my name off your list!_

 _Bart: I already went through this with Dami. No._

 _Damian: DAMI?_

Oh. So Damian _was_ still paying attention.

 _Bart: Yes,_ Dami _. The nickname is adorable. I'm keeping it._

Irey clearly wanted to stay more on topic, and her message read:

 _Irey: I will END you._

 _Bart: Damian already tried that threat, Irey. It won't work._

 _Irey: I live WITH you. In the SAME house._

Bart gulped.

 _Bart: Ah…yeah. That's slightly more terrifying._

Apparently Damian was tired of arguing, because he sent his ultimatum.

 _Damian: Desist with that horrible name, remove me from your list, and perhaps I will not eviscerate you._

 _Bart: Again, Bird Boy, what part of 'I'm too fast for you' was not clear?_

 _Irey: I'll help you, Damian._

* * *

When the neighbors got home from work, they noted with some dismay that some of the foliage in their front yards was gone. "It's that darn wind," one man said, nodding. "I swear that there's more wind around here than the harbor."

"Oh, no!" the Allen's next-door neighbor cried. "Iris must have not closed the door all the way on her way to work!" And so saying, she quickly rushed to close the open door.

* * *

It was a week before Nightwing and the Red Hood found Bart living under an alias in Mexico.

"Nice try," Nightwing told the time traveling speedster. "But this is the first place Damian suggested we look."

"Oh, yeah," the Red Hood said. "He added something to your list, too."

* * *

It was with some trepidation that Bart approached his carefully written out list the next morning. In the very center was a beautifully sharpened Bird-a-rang, with the name "Bartholomew Allen," engraved upon it. Had Bart not fainted dead away at the sight, he would have noticed the pink Post-It note on the back. "Love, Damian and Irey."

* * *

 **There are three R's for recycling: reduce, reuse, recycle. For writing, there are also three R's: read, review, review! Thanks for reading!**

 **You can request future ships for Bart!**

 **\- Rain**


End file.
